WARNING: This post mentions trauma. If this will trigger you, please don’t read further. I am giving you a digital hug as you go because I really do understand.
I am Madison Skye and I have a complex about being sick. This started when I was very young. I had an awful childhood. I won’t get into any details right now except to say it was truly awful. I survived. I know that some people do not survive trauma as children, but somehow I did. Even so, these things have an impact on you even if you don’t realize it, even if you think you’ve put it all behind you. Somehow it has a way of cropping up at the worst times.
One of the ways my youth impacted me is that I have a complex about what happens when I get sick. I don’t mean the fact of being sick, not exactly. I more mean the inability to work when I’m ill. The “work is king” and “work no matter what” types dig into this old wound like a corkscrew. They criticize, they complain, they attack, they doubt that I am ill because I have the gall to use social media as an escape–you get the idea.
A normal person might be able to simply write such things off. I don’t know because I have never been normal. Just lately I have been going through a medical crisis of my own. My genes are in part to blame for this (genetics are a bitch) and my poor diet growing up is another part. I don’t pretend to know what the other parts really are. I think such things are hugely complicated (at least in my life they always seem to be).
Due to my present issues, I have not written or been to my 9-5 job. Last week someone from work asked me if I was “really sick” because of some photos that had been uploaded to my facebook while I was on my way to another facility out of state for some tests. I recently adjusted my social media so that the offending people have no more contact with me in that way.
I’m telling you all of this because I want to refuse to give in to this natural tendency. and maybe someone out there is like me and will read this and it will make them feel not so alone as they did before. Trauma happens, but you have to try and refuse to allow people to treat you like shit over it. I personally have had enough of this. I plan to do something about it. I will update you once I figure out what that is.
I am complicated, I am not sorry for this. i make zero apologies for the way I am. it allowed me to survive the otherwise impossible. I’m glad for those who haven’t had to experience anything traumatic in their lives, but I wish you would take the time to think before you make asses of yourselves to those that have. To those who also survived, you have all my love and all my respect. You are not alone.
I survived trauma and I am done apologizing to those who didn’t.