Still here and still writing. I’m going through a hard time right now, so my thoughts move between emotions like waves in the sea. All this being a grown up stuff is overated. When I was a kid, I thought adults could do whatever they wanted all day. (Lies, all lies.) Really you spend most of your time trying to make a living while you try to make a life in your free time. Of course, this becomes complicated when you lose your present means of making a living. Still trying to keep up the hope though. I have seen good and bad times cycle throughout my life and I know the bad don’t last forever–even though they seem like they do while you’re there.
Then of course you try telling yourself this at 3am when you’re already down and you think you’re lying. You have long involved arguments with yourself while your mind bounces between topics like a hyperactive rabbit on speed.
I do realize this could be unique to me, but I don’t think so. The more I learn, the more people I meet, the more I realize how alike we all really are. We all hurt, fear, try, fight and feel so many things. I often try to imagine the lives of strangers I pass on the street. Who they love, what they hate, what they need. Then I pass some amazing inspiring person who has every reason to feel bad but chooses to get up and fight. I used to pass this blind guy on campus every single day. Rain, snow, sunny weather, there he was fighting his way through life.
So, I refuse to back down or give in to this dark deep hole I’m in right now. There were others before me, there will be others after me. I’m still here. I’m still writing. This will not change as long as I can type (or scribble incoherently into a notebook if no computer is around).
I’m decorating for the holidays too! Maybe I’ll even post some pictures… We’ll see. Stay warm everyone.