Hello dear readers.
I missed blogging here last week. I did not even realize my mistake until around Thursday. At which point I decided to wait until today. Consistency is clearly not my strong suit. I had a good reason, which you will soon see…at least I think I had a good reason.
Today’s musing is about stopping to enable one to keep moving forward. (Cue Meet the Robinson’s–epic film.). It sounds like a contradiction. Why would stopping help a person get going? Well, stop for a moment and I shall explain.
The past week has been very unproductive. I just moved and I have tons of boxes that still need sorted, unpacked, dejunked and otherwise seen to. These boxes have for the most part been sitting in storage for 2.5 years waiting for me to move. Now that I’ve moved, they are sitting in my living room in a pile of hugeness. My living room is like a jungle. Even if you can manage to get around Mt. Boxville, the leopard of lethargy may grab the unwary traveller.
I should add that I do not do well with long projects. Give me a task that requires a short burst of energy, I am all over that. Give me a task that is a plodding, drawn out event…I sputter and die. I end up passed out in a corner, awaiting the inevitable end. Yes, I really am that dramatic.
So, what does any of this have to do with stopping to get going?
The past week, as I said, has been VERY unproductive. The past few weeks have actually been very unproductive. It has mostly been spent feeling awful about everything, hating that I seem unable to move things faster, not being able to write, having technical problems and finally languishing in stomach agony as a punishment for eating some cheese (I am very allergic to dairy, but occasionally I will convince myself I am cured and have some…so the dairy gods punish me for my insanity).
I moved in mid April. It was one of those slow awful moves where you have to go in bursts over a few weeks because you can’t afford the normal moving process. Then you have to carefully worry over every nickel and dime so you don’t get stuck halfway. Oh, and you end up moving anything below 200 lbs by yourself or with anyone insane enough to help. By the end of this process, two months later, I was beyond done. I took a week off from everything. I no longer cared. I was done…except I wasn’t. Things still need sorted and dealt with and on and on. The week wasn’t enough. I tried taking it a day at a time. This worked a little, but not nearly enough.
So basically for the last month, I have been trying and failing to push myself hard enough to do much of anything. It was as if the harder I pushed, the less able I was to do what needed doing. I also discovered how fun Skyrim could be–someone gave it to me for a present two years ago and I rediscovered it. This time I actually tried playing in the areas meant for my level and not an insane level dungeon I stumbled into at level 5. I gained 7 levels, but it was not fun. Now, it is SO fun. I want the new Elder Scrolls Online…bwahahaha…Ah, video games…amazing stories and visuals mixed with a you-choose-the-story’s-path…how could I be anything but hooked?
I got distracted there for a moment. The point is, the harder I tried, the more my psyche dug its feet in and refused to move. I accepted its refusal. This week, I stopped trying to force it…and then the strangest thing happened. Suddenly I little by little began starting to move things again and sort things and work on my book in bursts.
I feel like I am coming back to myself after a long absence. This is a nice feeling. The most productive thing I had been able to do consistently up to this point was Goth Gal, and even she had to be put on hold this past Friday due to some technical issues. (She’ll be back tomorrow as that’s all sorted, in case you are wondering.). Now however, I am having ideas again, the writer blood is flowing and my boxes are getting unpacked, as if by magic.
Because I allowed myself to stop when I needed to, I can now begin to go again. Maybe you are similarly stuck. Maybe you have been pushing and pushing and pulling and pulling, all to no avail. Try stopping and see if it helps you get going.
If it does, or if you have had a similar experience, could you let me know in the comments?