When I Do Not Feel Like Writing



First, a shout out to Goth Gabi for being the first patron of Goth Gal! Seriously Gabi, your support is SO appreciated! Thanks to you I get to keep making art, and that is really awesome. Goth on Gabi! I promise to try and get my Goth Gal updates out sooner in the day! My eventual goal is that they come out at midnight, but since I don’t make enough to do it full time yet…life blargh.

(Yes, blargh is a word…I just made it up and I am a writer…so it is a word now.)

I do not really feel like writing today, but here I am…writing.

I’ve learned that making myself sit there and write is the best way to actually write. If I allow myself to procrastinate, I could procrastinate indefinitely. There are always other things that need done. I find that my rooms become magically clean when I need to write. I will inevitably come to myself in a haze, moving like a white hurricane through the house. Do not ask me why this is so, but it is so.

These daily project goals (Goth Gal, writing, this blog, etc.) I have are helping me with this problem. Sometimes it is a real struggle to meet these goals, but so far, so good. I have also recently discovered the wonders of eyeliner. This is perhaps a different topic for a different day, but today I will say eyeliner can help make a character REAL. Seriously, it can. Eyeliner is magic.

Soon I will have news for you dear readers about my new “hobby”. I do not have news yet because I have not finished all that I need to do. (SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO DO!) A family affair took over my weekend, but as I have a few moments to myself, I am stopping in to say hi…and to post on Saturdays like I said I would.

Consistency matters to me. Not consistency for the sake itself mind you, consistency for the sake of itself chokes me like weeds choke out a baby flower. Consistency for a project, to learn something new, or for people you care about matters. That kind of consistency has some life to it. Something that makes it more than a mere structure.

Well, I am off now to work some more. Hopefully I will have more to say next time. Until then bonsoir!

Stories and Structures


Apparently, I have a thing for alliteration. I always have. I’ve heard that the magical laws of writing say not to use alliteration. I can see how that would apply to writing things of a more serious tone. Can you imagine an alliterated obituary? It would be like the writer was making fun of the deceased.

Doctor Diles died today due to a dubious dental detriment.

See what I mean? Horrible. For blog post titles, I think it works okay.

Today’s musing concerns  structure–something I traditionally struggle with. I suspect a lot of artists have this same trouble, but I think the media tends to exaggerate it. For me, my sleep patterns are fairly sensitive. If something screws them up, it takes me forever to fix them. Currently I am attempting a 16 hour fast from food reset again (see here for more info on that, how it works and why it works). I did it once before and it worked like a charm. Here’s hoping it works this time.

I have been an insomniac ever since I was a baby, so it really is very difficult for me to break this mold. When things mess with my sleep cycle, it returns to this natural comfort zone and I can’t sleep until well after dawn. I am only realizing why this happens as I sit here typing it out for you. Funny how the brain works. In any case, I need to be awake with the majority of people for many reasons, so I’m working towards that. I’ll let you know next week if it worked ,or if I have to find more extreme measures.

In case you’re wondering, sleep substances don’t work for me. I tend to become hyperactive on them and end up pinging off the walls until several days have passed and my body crashes due to extreme exhaustion. Not fun.

I also need to be able to work on The Novel if I am to be that world famous writer person I wrote about in my future diary. Structure is very important to this process. I think structure can be a cage for you or it can be scaffolding to help hold you up, it’s all up to how you use it.

Traditionally, structure imposed by others has been a cage for me. It wasn’t until I was no longer employed in a traditional way that I realized how set life is for most people. We are forced into structures for school that accommodate adult work structures that are based on antiquated farming practices. Second and Third shift workers’ schedules are different, but are ultimately determined by this same old system. We really need to update as a society, but I don’t see that happening as long as businesses run things.

I realized that for the first time in my life, I am the only one setting the structure. That’s not to say other people don’t effect and influence my structure, but I am entirely in charge of when I do things. Incredibly empowering, but also daunting. It’s all down to me if I screw it up too.

Presently, I am trying my hand at freelance. I don’t have much experience doing this type of work, but I am excited for the opportunity to try my hand at it. I suppose we will see how that works out. Hopefully I will be a rip roaring success. (Yes, I am still fighting my natural tendency towards doubting any hope.)

I would also love to try my hand as a voice actor, but so far it seems like that is as difficult to break in as normal acting and you have to live in busier cities. I suppose further research is needed on this one.

In other news, I cannot write in watches.

Every time I try my wrist pitches an epic level temper tantrum and refuses to comply until the offending accessory is removed. I typically have a polar wearable on my wrist to track my sleep patterns and activity level. It is very good at tracking sleep patterns, but not that great at tracking non step related activities, like yoga. If you bike or run, it does an acceptable job. I might upgrade eventually,  or just wait until it dies and give up on wearables entirely.

Well, it is time for me to dash. Thanks for reading. Keep hoping my dear non-hoper readers. Keep making art. We can do this.

PS – Another mini-series is coming in Goth Gal. Here is a wallpaper for you of my Goth Gal parody of Orphan Black. Click on it to see/download the full size.

Goth On.
Goth On.